I had a similar shift a year ago. I was attempting to force the universe to comply with what I wanted. My ego wanted “the boy”, “the school”, “the job”, and “the city”. I held onto these ideals so tightly, that my world felt like a pressure cooker. Then, after coming close to the edge, I just let go. Everything shifted nicely and here I am in Chicago with the job. The boy attachment seemed to fade out of my system and the school seemed pointless.
My recent shift came as I have begun to let certain people enter my life and let others leave it. My ego has been trying to hold on, screaming to hold on actually, to people I NEED to let go of. It’s making me look like a mad woman. I feel slightly crazy lately. I’m doing un-ordinary things like, not being able so sleep and feeling a rise in stress levels. It’s hard for me to find perfection in this moment; it’s hard for me to find a sense of enlightenment when I feel out of the ordinary.
In brief moments of conscious thinking, I find a sense of release. I have to go through a series of thinking, what if I never see him again? My ego says, you will cry. What will happen if you cry? My ego says, you will be sad. What happens next? You will be upset for a while. And then? Ego thinks, you’ll eventually just start doing your thing. And after that? Ego stutters and complies, you will eventually move on.
I will eventually move on. It’s not about letting others deserve a chance to be involved in my life, because that’s the story telling side of my brain speaking. It’s about learning and moving on. Letting the next chapter unfold, because it won’t if I keep going back to the same situation over and over again: the indifference, the aloofness. It’s the same scenario that has replayed over and over for nearly 20 plus years. Here it is universe, the release, do what you please.
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