I've been sleeping way too much lately. If there is any spare hour in my day, I will take a nap, which is beginning to make me feel really really old. I've also been feeling slightly restless. I have this overwhelming feeling like there is something I need to do and it needs to be done right that second, but I can't make the effort to do it (whoah). In actuality, there is nothing. I've just gotten lazy. My house that I clean like an OCD woman on crack is messy and I feel awfully "meh" about it. My desk in my "writing room" is covered in dust and littered with random sheets of paper and soda cans (I don't even drink soda until lately). My witty obnoxious sense of humor has been replaced by some solemn writing style, probably just a case of watching too much Oprah lately.

I'm the kind of person who really tries to stick to the Zen creed of living in the moment, but I'm not satisfied with my present state of sitting on my ass even if Buddha tells me it's ok. Buddha would probably say something all, don't judge the moment. So I decided to attempt my day a little different reverting back to my non-laziness, using every energy renewal trick I know outside of meth: 6 am meditation, yoga, a bowl of fruit, green tea, 3 cups of coffee, and a handful of vitamins.

12:51 pm report: Slightly re-energized, maybe it was my friend calling me to go with her to the beach. Still apathetic enough to not finish this blog. I'm bored with it.

My ex boyfriend cut his hair short, really short. It's absolutely adorable. Why didn't he keep it that way when we were dating? Oh, because I used to obsess about his shaggy cut, and his "I can't keep my hands off the softness" hair. So since we've been over, officially a year this month, he's become this guy I don't recognize. Aside from new haircuts, he's been doing triathlons. His body looks amazing. He's been dressing better, less college T's more distressed band logo t-shirts and popped collars. Also, the other day he told me what ingredients go into Pad Thai. When did he ever cook? When did he start eating Thai food? Did I change him into the guy I always wanted, only to get dumped for the girl he always wanted?

I read this quote the other day about how if you can still maintain a friendship with your ex, you were either never really in love or are in denial that you are out of it. I'm not sure which one it is in relation to me. I really cannot understand how one day you can love and be intimate with someone and the next you are supposed to cut them out of your life cold-turkey. My life doesn't function that way; even if he did basically rip my heart out of my chest and proceeded to stomp on it. So, I maintain a superficial friendship with him. You know the kind. One where I pretend to be his bestie; but, don't reveal anything about my life. One where I hide my goals, my current fling, this blog. In addition, I hide how I cried every night for the first six months after he walked away and fell in love with her. The girl that shared his love for his specialty dish and "sang" in his ear. The girl that is not me.

A week or so ago I had an epiphany. I needed to create a new blog. I went back and deleted every blog associated with my current occupation and decided to venture into the unknown with a non-thematic blog. I don’t know much about much. I can’t provide any money saving tips or a play by play on what it’s like to be single in the city (actually I could, but it would be boring); but, what I am trying to do is to develop my writing skills. I am hoping a blog will give me some creative release and also to help diminish this writer’s block I have had for the last two years.

On a side note, the title to this blog is taken Whitman’s “Song of the Open Road”:

O highway I travel! O public road! do you say to me, Do not leave me?
Do you say, Venture not? If you leave me, you are lost?
Do you say, I am already prepared—I am well-beaten and undenied—adhere to me?
O public road! I say back, I am not afraid to leave you—yet I love you;	45
You express me better than I can express myself;
You shall be more to me than my poem.

I thought the title was highly appropriate, reflecting my journey, my path, my road made open and public for you, for me.