Sometimes just crawling in bed, in the nude, just feels good. Reading a book under the electric blanket after a fresh shower feels even better. I pull out my book. It's a book I've been rereading for the past year, "Evolve Your Brain" by Dr. Joe Dipsenza.  I caught him on "What The Bleep Do We Know" and have become obsessed with the inner workings of the brain ever since.

I decided to pick it up again after not feeling myself late last week. I developed a severe throat ache, a sign that my body has been going into overdrive trying to kill off an awful infection. A sign that my body has been in an imbalance. A possible case of negative thoughts causing a chemical eruption?

My eye decided to do something random, feeling as if it could explode out of my head. I also came down with a bad case of a bladder infection (I haven't had one in several years), and didn't want to get out of bed for a few days. The pain extended all the way down to my feet, so random.  This all occurred in a three day period. My body, usually a clean bill of health, has become feeling fragile and I wondered if I was some how at a misalignment.

I pulled out the book, the brain bible, and re-read the chapter on self healing as to try and get rid of whatever my body was doing to me. Trying to get my brain to tell the rest of my body to beef up the security and stop the sickness.

I'm feeling much better this week. Lots of meditation, lots of downtime, lots of just being wonderful happy me.  I'm just feeling really happy lately, really content.

A new job is still on my future want list. I told myself that if I didn't get a job by April, (I have a few days left) that I would take classes this summer semester. So apparently that's what I am doing. I'm taking a couple of classes online starting in May. Fun-ish.

I'm using my eyeliner sharpener as a pencil sharpener. Desperate times call for desperate measures. I decided to take the evening off from life and indulge in some drawing, some cooking (spinach artichoke pasta dish) and listening to some moody music. I may even take an hour long shower (and avoid Earth Day).  I might even curl up with W.H. Auden. If there was a drop of wine in the house, I probably would have a glass of that too. I haven't had a night like this in awhile. I've been running myself rapid this last week. A night to myself feels good. It feels selfish. I like that.
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I've been trying to teach myself Dreamweaver. I give myself 15 minutes each day to learn something new. Einstein said that doing the same task every day for 15 min. will make you an expert in a year. I don't want to be an expert, but I want to know the ins and outs of this Adobe product. I'll move on to Photoshop when I'm feeling more artistic.

I challenged my friends to come up with a mock name for a mock foundation for a mock website. I asked them to think of a name for a foundation that provides fresh organic food to lower income families, whose providers are women. (Food pantries often provide processed crap to these families).

We all came up with the conclusion of "why is this so hard?!". Somewhere and some point when I'm least expecting it, it will come. The best I could do was Garden Goddess Foundation, don't judge... it's lame.

My buddy's band played the Metro the other night. While I missed the show yet again,  I have to say I am impressed at how well they are doing, if I could only say that I was really into the type of music they play, it's really indie and really hard. But still, kudos to them for making a name for themselves. Stylish and fashionable young rock stars, to boot.

I had a real life conversation today with a friend about relationships. Said friend works too hard at trying to find the right one, works too hard at life in general. It was the first time I have used my job as an analogy in a conversation, yet alone about relationships.

Said friend, thinks of them-self as crap. Said friend thinks that there isn't anyone out there for them. I explained to this person that at one time I had listed a house that smelled like cat pee. Many of buyers walked into the house and most of them quickly left in disgust. Some made short entrances and some stayed longer than they should have. One buyer in particular was able to look past the mess, look past the smell of cat urine and see a diamond in the rough. This buyer fell in love with the property. There is a buyer for every property, even those that look like they are in the worst shape. Just like there is a person out there for everyone. Someone who looks past the mess that took years of accumulation, someone who sees beyond the surface level, someone who doesn't care about the minor flaws, it's what's in the structure.  This person sees perfection when some see disaster.

I thought this was absolutely brilliant, my friend mocked me for this, got a chuckle and we moved on. I still think it's rather hilarious and I might use this on several more occasions when my girlfriends/guyfriends seek out love advice.

I walked what feels like 10 miles today. I sat down in Millennium Park and watched a bundle of Jewish men with their black pants, white dress shirts and the traditional yarmulke playing a game of football. I love watching a mix of cultures collide and clash in this overwhelming city.

Since I moved to Chicago I have yet to do the touristy thing and venture out  and explore the innards of the city. The year before I moved, I had the tourist locations down to a science.

I have these moments when I am taken aback. Moments when I look at symbolic Chicago, the Sears Tower, the Bean, Navy Pier, the Hancock Building, and I say to myself, I live here. Sometimes that awe captures me and cradles me into a nostalgic cocoon. Sometimes, I have to really be in it, really absorb myself into the moment. I live here. I live here.

On the way back to my cozy little apartment on the outskirts of downtown, where I can look down my street and see the Hancock Building in plain eyesight, Mori and I discussed the prior day's events. Jolted swiftly out of my dreamy city views, I decided... the city will eat me alive. Which it has in ways. Which it did yesterday. Which it has on many occasions in the past two years.

I find myself being tricky. Maneuvering my way out of situations and falling back into others. I find myself being a mixture of feisty and sweet. The Iowa sweetness I was known for fades and rises and quickly fades again.

The smell of the city, I tell Mori, is like a carnival. The food, from the city's massive amount of restaurants, mixed with the subtle flavors of the car smog... is delicious.

If the city plans to eat me alive, I hope it does. I hope I go down with ease. I hope there won't be any struggle. I hope I preface the entire maneuver with, that was a great ride. So go ahead city, eat me.