Hello there, friends of Lindy!
When I heard about this here blog swap, I got excited. But then, like so many do….I realized I had no idea what to write about. And of course, like me, Lindy chooses random insights over a theme, so…basically, I found myself with more options than I knew what to do with.
So, what did I do?
I just decided to write about what’s going on with me. Hope y’all don’t mind another post about dating…I realize they’re everywhere…
Here’s the thing about dating:
I suck at it.
Or, rather, I don’t get it.
I don’t know how it works. I seem to have a secret curse…so secret that even I wasn’t told of it.
But I know. Ohhhhh, I know.
It started obviously enough. When I was in high school, I didn’t do the partying – and subsequent hooking up – the other kids did. I did theatre, instead. Among the theatre crowd, I did all the wrong things:
- Didn’t have enough self-confidence
- Ended up in a “relationship” with someone I met at camp, who lived two states away.
And then,
- Fell for a gay boy
College started similarly. I still didn’t have the confidence, and I was still hung up on the gay boy. But then I gradually started coming into my own a bit, and the dating disasters began.
I had two dates with guys who gave me their numbers, instead of getting mine. I am far too scaredy-cat for that business!
I had one date in which the guy left it up to me whether the check should be split. I didn’t have the guts to say “oh, he’ll take care of it”. I shoulda. Jerk…
I had one date that tried to make out with me even though he was incapable of having a conversation with me.
I had the most failed met-on-the-internet situation ever in the history of the world. Short of death/violence/etc, I guess.
I had two “dates” that were only dates in my brain.
I had one date with a Freshman…when I was a senior. Oy.
I had two one-night encounters that ended up being bad news for everyone.
I had way too many boys-I-liked-that-ended-up-being-gay situations.
So, then I graduated.
I’m not that long out of school – just a couple years – but I’ve changed a whole heck of a lot. I went on dating hiatus for a while, just taking time to build up that confidence, become smarter and more sure of what I want, and less scared of what the heck comes next in life.
So now here I am, on the other side of that hiatus, in a strange situation. I’m in my mid-twenties, in NYC, trying to figure out how dating actually works.
I started by trying to meet people through various friends and friend groups, fellow alumni of my (co-ed) honor fraternity, theatre people and very not theatre people. I met person after person after person and soon realized one of the following:
1. Every man ever, regardless of profession, is gay.
2. The three or four who aren’t have way too much drama surrounding them. And they’re probably in the closet anyway.
So now what?
Branching out hasn’t worked. I’m not a fan of the meeting-people-in-a-bar scene (I’m sure it works sometimes, but it’s not usually my ideal). No one tries to set me up with friends. I seem to be out of options, as far as I can tell.
Except one.
Oh yeah, that’s right,
Online Dating.
I am now a member of one of the many online dating websites that are so popular (and in my neck of the woods, not that sketchy) lately. I joined just a few days ago, and let me tell you:
It is overwhelming! And stressful!
Take these quizzes, answer these questions, decide if you want to reply to this message, describe yourself, define yourself, try to continue having a life!
I’m sure this is how people new to facebook, who haven’t been evolving along with it, usually feel.
Even more than that, though, I’m faced with the fact that I have really never known how it works. I hate the messages I get from some guy that just say “Hi, how are you?”. I think they should at least gimme a conversation starter, or a reason they’re striking one up in the first place. But then when it’s time to send one, I’m suddenly clueless as to what is best to write other than “Hi, how are you?” I don’t want to sound lame! Or stupid! I’m a good conversationalist, but I apparently suck at knowing how to start them!
When did this happen?
The crazy thing is, dating isn’t even that big a deal to me right now. I’m just doing it cause I’m bored. Cause I need a little excitement, and maybe even romance, in my life.
Too bad it’s all foreign to me. Is it this hard for everyone else?
What are your tips for dating? For online dating? For meeting people in general?
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