Hey guys, I've gained some weight in the last two months. In fact, I went to put on my work pants today and could barely get them buttoned. In no way, shape, or form am I saying that I am overweight, but I'm just saying I don't want to go out and buy new clothes.
I was looking back on photos of when I first moved here. My face was less swollen, my eyes were white and clear, and my hair looked like silk. I discovered, however, that Chicago is full of delicious food. Food that my time in Iowa did not provide. Sure you can get cheeseburgers there, but they often did not come with a fried egg on top, with thick apple smoked bacon and Gouda cheese. Nor could I find a popcorn appetizer that was cooked in bacon grease and then topped with those crispy little pig fat bits. And the beer, good god, the selection of beer is extensive, beautiful and often tastes of flowers. This, my friends, is why I cannot seem to get back to the way I looked pre-Chicago. Vegetarianism is nothing but a pipe dream lately.
Eating this way has become nothing but a simple addiction. At one time I avoided sugar, but now have to have a chocolate bar for breakfast (no joke). Starbucks is conveniently located in my building, so trips for my favorite latte have become frequent and needed for that quick fix.
Like many things that have begun to change in my life lately, (old habits I have kindly asked to stop) I would like this to be one of the pillars that support who I am.
Michael Anderson, the creator of the documentary, Eating, says "the American eating habit is suicidal". I have recently become part of that culture. My routine trips to the produce market, have been cut short by routine trips to Whole Foods to pick up Mac N Cheese or cookies. Somehow I justify a food substance that does not have preservatives, but is layered in sugar, the caloric equivalent of a rock.
The simple thing about this is, I know better. It blows my mind that our modern day diseases and ailments were unrecognizable by the medical community 100 years ago. It blows my mind that we are teaching our children the same patterns. It blows my mind that children are getting diabetes from what they eat at a very young age. Ugh, our country has been blowing my mind for years now and I have to ask, when are we going to evolve already?
When am I going to stick with my evolution? Alicia Silverstone, an idol of mine (although I don't totally agree with the vegan lifestyle), says that we should flirt with the idea. Flirting often gets me discouraged as I yearn for perfectionism. I give up too early in the game. One day of back sliding results in four weeks of binging on sugar treats and meat products.
I've learned lately, after some real talk with myself on the train, that I should not be so hard on myself. I've been much too self critical lately and need to let go of that. Perfectionism does not exist. Back tracking and finding yourself again is motion of life and I also return to center, eventually.
So, I sit here with a cup of this orange tea concoction that I got from the cafe down the street and decide to eat a handful of Milk & Honey's granola. It's small changes and no matter how many times I falter, I can pick up right where I left off. Something small is better then nothing at all.
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