I've been toying around with the idea of doing a makeover, a blog make over. I started Public Road to document my journey as a new Chicagoan, trying to make my way through the city while still holding on to my ideals as a small town Iowa girl, but after nearly two years of living here I want to move on. That might mean moving on from talking about the minor ramblings and nonsense I have written about here. I want more substance and I want to start writing about something I am more passionate about. I've been thinking about a theme blog and having someone design it for me, something fresh, clean and simple.
My new year's goal was to become more creative, more honest and more spiritual (not in the organized religious way, in a "me" sort of way). It's been almost three months now, and I have been slowly moving back into the person I was 10 years ago. I'm eating better. I'm not eating oreos for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I'm doing yoga again. My posture is almost repaired after being hunched over and getting constant back aches. I'm meditating twice a day. My mind has become more clear and focused and my anticipation has lessened. I'm slowing down and enjoying the present. I've always loved my life, but I'm finding that I'm loving it even more.
I live my life in the present, for the most part, although somedays I jump to the future when fear gets a hold of me. Lately, however, I have folded into the past. I've thought about being 19. I thought about when I went vegan, cold turkey. I thought about how my body looked, how my skin looked, and how much energy I had as I awoke every morning with ease at 5:30 am. How sustainability and being natural was a major part of my life. I'm admiring the past me and I want that back.
Although, I've never had to worry about my weight, my body was "sluggish. The last few months of changing my diet has definitely changed my body. My bloated stomach, from bingeing on the worst (really the best) food Chicago has to offer, has substantially decreased. My skin, after going through a two month detox process and breaking out, is beginning to clear and I stopped wearing foundation again, only lightly dusting it with mineral powder. My face is less jowly and I can see my bone structure again. The whites of my eyes are white again, and do not have the yellowish tone they used to have. I'm also not walking around in a fog, brought on by the obscene over consumption of sugar and alcohol.
I still want to enjoy the pleasures in life, a drink with friends, cheeseburgers and fries, and devouring my favorite...chocolate. I just don't want this to be a daily thing like it was in the past year. I don't want to be a food nazi, and never will I try to forcefully impose my beliefs on others, I just want to flirt with the idea of veganism and the possibility of becoming a full fledged member at some point. This is for me.
I will only miss cheese slightly.
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