It's a new year. It's a new decade. Ten years ago I would have been living in Des Moines, IA, in a cookie cutter apartment, another tenant amongst the hundreds in our massive complex. I would have been struggling with who I am, where I wanted to be, where I wanted to go, and who I wanted to be near. Ten years ago I would have rang in the new year in a small house with a couple of small minded people. Ten years ago I was just a secondary character in a short story, a supporting role in a community play.
This year, I am in a city I love, living in a little brownstone, knowing who I am, knowing that this is where I am supposed to be. I rang in the new year surrounded by great amazing people, all of whom I adore. This year, I have never been so happy or so grateful.
I scan over the last decade, over the things I want to take with and the others I want to leave behind. Have I evolved? Have I progressed in whatever journey I am on, whatever road I am walking or have I faltered, have I stepped back? And also, what do I want for this next moment?
To hold myself accountable for all my desires, for all my wants, I am putting a few of my general needs out there for the public to see. This is what I want for the next year:
Stop making excuses.
Forget my father's concept of time.
Get serious about getting serious about life.
Focus on what I want. Get rid of what I don't need.
Be less resistant. (In my personal life and in relationships with others)
Fall in love with architecture again.
Write until my fingers bleed.
Draw. Paint.
Read more.
Design my house.
Make money doing something I love, something creative. aka employment
Find a new apartment.
Buy a new car.
Get a new cell phone.
Love you more and let you know, and not be afraid of that.
Let you know what you mean to me.
What I took away from these last two years, the most important years of this last decade for me, is a strong sense of contentment and of finding happiness in every moment. The two years I kept myself buried in books, in thoughts, in discovery, in healing, in reform, in progress, I realized that life is so utterly amazing and heartbreaking and so absolutely brilliant.
To end this little blog about reflections and new hopes for the future, I will post my most important resolution for the new year and a new decade: I want to be more goal oriented. Something that I have put on the back-burner. Something I used to be. So in admiration of my old self, I am starting a little notebook filled with goals. Goal #1, achieved.
Happy New Year!!
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