August 30, 2009
Things I will never do on Facebook:
Post my relationship status: no one needs to know about my breakups and hookups.
Post my birthdate: I'm a child of the 80's. That's all you need to know.
Be a status whiner: Posting how someone did me wrong or how I hate this or that will. never. happen.
Be a poetic status song writer: I won't write really touchy feely status updates, nor will I quote song lyrics.
Tell you my life story in my "About Me": Some things should remain a mystery. You don't need to know how often I poo.
Market my life: You know who you are. You want everyone to know how freaking cool you are. You want everyone to think you are a princess. You take professional pics of your life, no, really, you do. You constantly market your product, which is you and the really boring things you do. We don't care. Don't shove it down our throats.
Post pics of myself being awkward, in the social sense: I recently skimmed through photos of a girl who made her profile public, only to find she has pics of herself kissing lots of girls, playfully posing in sexual positions with lots of men and lots of women, and drinking large quantities of alcohol. I'll avoid trashy, thanks.
Take Quizzes: Enough with the quizzes already, seriously. Seriously, I don't want to know that some stupid quiz did not realize your favorite color was purple. Seriously.
Pass someone a drink: If it's not real, I'm not accepting it.
Write 25 things you should know about me: I'll give you 25 things you wish you didn't know about me.
Add my Grandmother, Aunts, Uncles, Parents, etc. as "Friends": Sorry, you aren't my friends, you are my relatives. I love you, but I don't want you to see that closely into my life. I want you to think of me as your sweet little angel, and not would rather not tarnish that image.
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